Silent bloom
by Mimisao
Summary: [Set during the film] As she watched him through the window of the medical bay, Feldt remembered her life as a Celestial Being.


**AN** : Hi there ! Here is a little tribute to a character I have grown fond of, Feldt. I feel that she could have a better place in this anime, and by this humble oneshot, I wanted to tell her story and give some highlights about how she lived some events. It's just my vision of her, feel free to drop your point of view ! I also hope that Setsuna isn't too OC.

It takes place during the movie : I appreciate it even if I was a bit disappointed with the lack of romantic interaction...

English is not my native langage, but this came in English and I didn't want to translate it. I felt like it would change what I was meaning. I ask for your forgiveness if there are mistakes in grammar or vocabulary.

**Disclaimer** : I don't own any Gundam series (I wish I could have Lockon and Athrun, and... *sigh* guess I'll stop the list here ^^)

**Silent bloom**

It spread on her slowly, silently: she never really noticed its growth because everything seemed so natural, so logical. She would lie if she said that she was totally blind about it though: some signs can't hide the truth. But now that she thinks of it, she is glad that it happened that way.

She never was the talktative and lively kind: was it because she was an orphan? Was it because she was surrounded by serious and determined people? It's not that she wasn't determined herself. The Celestial Being were her family, her life, and in some way, the life of her parents. She wanted them to be proud of her for fulfilling their duty and realizing their ideal. Sometimes, she wondered if this was really her choice, and every time she came to the same conclusion: nobody forced this on her, and she cherished peace at all cost, even if that cost was her life. On and on, she grew fond of every member of the Celestial Being: they all were related by their ideal, their view of the world, their dream, and for her, these bounds were somehow stronger than blood.

She didn't see his arrival as a major event in her life. He was a new member of her family, as a far away cousin, but she sensed he was a big part of the whole plan. She would treat him with due respect and do everything to protect and help him. Time flew and she felt that they had some things in common: calm, shyness, and a tendency to stay silent. A silence that was often a comfortable one and she was relieved that she wasn't the only one enjoying silence. She loved the crew, deeply, but they all could be tiring, and silence, for them, seemed as unnatural that a full glass of alcohol standing all day in front of Sumeragi-san…

Growing in this environment brought joy and pain all the same: the joy of victories, the meals shared with laughter, and the pain of seeing the one she loved being robbed from her, as well as her childhood. It was quite confusing, this love and this hate mixed, with hope and resentment. The rollercoaster was sometimes unbearable, the worst time being the defeat of Alejandro Corner. This victory had a baste taste, a sour one. Was it really worth it? The death of Lichty, Chris and Lockon shook her beliefs deeply, and for the first time, she hated the fact of being a Celestial Being…

A year: it is the time she needed to mend her heart and to grow up. She never considered herself as a child, and felt that she never had the chance to be one. But she had to face the fact that she was still a fragile young girl, who had troubles with losses. This sensitivity was her weakness, and she had to turn it in strength, for everyone, to make their dreams come true. And since then, her resolve has never faltered. She wanted to fight with all her might, even if she was unable to pilot a Mobile Suit.

They went on with the missions during 3 years, under covered and unknown, feeling that they were the only one aware of what could happen if humanity stayed with this state of mind. That was until Setsuna joined them again. This time, it was different for her: when she saw him on the bridge, she felt a joy she had not feel in a long time. Her family was reunited piece by piece, like a puzzle, and she felt that a major piece was in front of her. He had grown up too, and she longed to share comfortable silence with him again. She knows now it was the starting point of everything, but then, she was genuinely happy to have a brother back.

They saw each other on the hallways, sharing greetings accompanied by smiles from her. They sometimes ate in silence, and when they parted, he would lightly bow his head while she smiled and closed her eyes. She enjoyed these little moments, and was glad to see him a little more open to other. She couldn't help but see her past self in his demeanor, and she felt relieved to see that they followed the same path, at their own rhythm, like the 4 years of absence did not exist, like they really grew up together, side by side.

They had a bond, a real one, and that was more than enough… Or she thought so…

When they fell on Earth after the destruction of Memento-Mori, she felt insecure. The hallways were too empty; her days were lonely and boring even if she was overloaded with work and worries. The situation was critical, yet she struggled to concentrate. Was he dead? Injured? Held prisoner by the enemy? Tortured? Relief striked her full force when she saw him again, but a strange question rose in her once all the pressure off… Did he miss me?

At first, she was startled: how could she have feelings for her brother? This thought never crossed her mind with Neil. He was older, and she was fascinated by his kindness under the humorous mask. How could one not be in love with him, or, at least, like him? But with Setsuna, it seems so weird… so she suppressed everything, acted as usual until, she hoped, this strange emotion vanished.

The final battle lead her to come clean with herself: she couldn't let him go without him knowing that she truly, deeply cared for him. The flower was the symbol of every feeling she had: hope for the future, love that slowly blossom, and the fact that Ptolemy will always be his home, where a flower from his homeland was taken care of. And she couldn't help but feel relieved when she heard his promise of coming back. She also knew about the Azadistan Princess, but for the moment she didn't care: she just wanted to give, and be true to herself.

It's been 2 years since then… All the events went through her head as she looked by the window of the medical bay. Around her, everything was about to fall to pieces, and all she could do was to pray for him. When Sumeragi-san talked to her about her feelings, she first was frustrated: why was she powerless? She thought they shared something, that they understood each other at one point. Maybe she was wrong from the start…

Realization hit her: she had been full of herself. And far too greedy. He opened up to her a little, but that didn't mean he was her property, and in a way, she didn't wanted to. She wanted him to return her feeling, but it wasn't her main purpose. She only wanted him to know that he had someone who cared for him, that she was there for him. But she began to feel that it won't be enough for her in the future. What to do? Her mind was restless, her heart breaking for him: so screw all this, she would take care of him, and only him. She'll manage something, somehow.

She entered the room and took his hand in hers, watching him struggle in pain.

"Hey…"

She felt ankward, but the need to assure him that he was not alone was stronger.

"I hope you know that we are all here for you, Setsuna. I… I can't really say that I understand what's going on for you, since I don't live it, but… But I'll be here no matter what. Let me be your anchor, please rely on us, our family."

Tears began to pool in her aquamarine eyes. She took a deep breath and spoke again.

"You'll always be a part of me… Please, come back…"

She felt him squeezed her hand: she gasped and cried his name, taking him in her arms. He returned the gesture lightly, still giddy from his coma.

"Feldt Grace…" His voice was barely louder than a whisper.

"Thank you for coming back", she sobbed, while letting him go.

He nodded and was getting slowly on his feet. She stayed close by, in case his renewed strength faltered. Of course, she once again worried too much, his steps were firm and determined.

"I don't know what will happen to me."

He looked at their intertwined hands, and she smiled as a pensive look clouded his brown eyes.

"But how can I forget your kindness? I guess that you'll always be a part of me too…"

He will always be the one who care the most, she thought, her smile still on her face. And he will never brag about it. She finally felt like she understood him: he loved everyone in his own way, and never favored a life among the others. That was the man she loved, one that probably won't love her exclusively. A flash of sadness passed her eyes, and she concealed it quickly. She will need to grow up a bit more to reach his level of acceptance.

"I have to go", he interrupted her train of thought.

"I know."

He still had her hand in his, and pulled her through the hallways. They reached the dock, enjoying one of their silences.

She reached him, and placed a light kiss on his cheek.

"Be safe, ok? I'll be waiting."

He nodded and headed to the Quan[T]. She stayed here until the Gundam got on the launching area. There was different kind of love, different ways to show it. Setsuna's one was absolute, accepting and so bright. And she knew she had her place in his world: that was all that mattered.


End file.
